Injustices- Persevere with Me

I have been putting off writing this blog for as long as i could. Not because i am tired of the subject, but because it is one of the utmost importance that calls upon all of my passion leaves me breathing heavier with anger at the injustices still seen in this country.

November fourth was a historic day. I will be the first person to tell you that i did not vote for Barack Obama because he was black, or because he was a minority. But we must step back and look at how much we have gained through commitment, dedication, blood, tears, and sweat in this country. For too long have we had people in office that do not understand what it is like to be an American Citizen. Typical Americans are not wealthy, if we are it is through the enrichment we have in our lives to persevere towards that next paycheck. Our families do not pretend to be perfect, every person i know has had a somewhat broken family. A typical american knows what it is like to be surrounded with minorities or to be a minority themselves. So we must look upon President Obama as he is- a hope to every person who does not fit the imaginary American dream (no one fits this mold) and inspires us to see that over the last hundred years we can in fact, make progress. That there is in fact hope. And things can, in fact, change.

November 5th was a bittersweet day. We made a significant stride in equality of the color of our skins, but instead another minority group has been targeted. Gay rights is the civil rights movement of the 21st century. And i ask of you, from one friend to another. From a concerned citizen to another. And from a patriotic American to another to never cease and never tire when fighting for equality. Now is the time where the election is over, many are sick of hearing Yes and NO on prop eight. But this must not be the case for us. I demand that each of you care. That if you cared even a little through this election, to hold onto that passion, to hold onto that purpose and to espouse it in every facet of your lives. This question "the marriage question" is not going anywhere. When times were hard, they were persecuted and maimed and called inferior, African Americans did not suffice themselves, they fought continuously and they have reached a point where it does not matter how much blood of one ethnicity you have in you- you CAN become the President of the United States.

When women were powerless, counted on to be the property of ones father or husband, with no rights over their own children- to divorce- to vote- with no voice in politics or government or the direction their life went. They fought until where we are now- there are more women in higher education than there are men. We still make seventy cents to every mans dollar and the fight is not over but we have made such strides as to call equality a goal that is in sight. We live in a world where a woman can call the presidency or vice presidency an achievable GOAL.
This is where we are now. In a world in which EVERY nationality and EVERY minority group has gone through the motions and realized the goal of equality EXCEPT for the gay minority in this country. THe majority is still not with us, the majority still believes that gay people should suffice themselves with the rights they have now. But the fight is not OVER. and it will never be over until there is no differentiation between black and white, gay or straight, female or male or whatever you choose to identify yourself as, as guaranteed in the constitution of our great nation. EVERY single on of use despite our statistic, has the undeniable right liberty and JUSTICE for ALL. Take religion out of it- as religions vary and religion cannot dictate government! Take the deviance out of it- so what if its a minority of the population just because it is different does not mean it is WRONG. Take education out of it- the education code would not change.

This is all i ask. And this is what i promise. Change the hearts and minds of those around you. This is not an easy feat and as you have seen, equal rights never has been. But we have justice on our side. When one side is fighting to have the rights of the other, and the other side is trying to keep rights away from equal citizens, the choice is easy. WE must side with progress, with equality. Too long have gay individuals been discriminated against through hatred, through religion, through the screen of what many call God, and through false logic of where will we draw the line?

The election is over. but this has just begun. I hate to be such an extremist, but in reality the fight was lost, but the war has just begun. Do not put down your voices, your signs, your purpose because of these results. We must work towards changing the hearts and minds of our peers. And we must never forget how we as individuals got to where we are now, and where as individuals gay citizens must be tomorrow.

I cried my eyes out on November fifth. Standing in a hotel in Las Vegas Nevada. I cried because of happiness for the President Elect, and i cried out of mourning for the loss and persecution my gay friends and family must have felt when 52% of California decided that Gay people were not people enough to have the same rights as them. They say its just a term, but that term represents everything.

Jessica Rey

my lip hurts.

so i did get my lip pierced again. and at this point i cant even figure out why i continue piercing myself... like im running out of reasons. but do i really need one? i just want them, so it doesnt matter. so suck it? idk. it hurts right now. its all swollen and hurts. andi swear its crooked but everyone else doesnt think so but i KNOW it is. lol its okay, he said hed repierce it for free. haha. and it is swollen right now so we'll seeeeee. or maybe i just have crooked lips.

im in constitutional law class. yay for being studious. then work from 2-5. then class from seven to nine fifty. :] i should be studying for my health and human disease midterm though cause its tomorrow morning at nine thirty!

i need to vent about losing friends.
really. the way i look at it is if you want to forget me, then your not worth my time. even if your my cousin. even if you are my best friend, or were. i think knowing me..you would have to know th eonly time i would make a big enough deal to end a friendship is if i was hurt. so i was hurt, i can admit that. but i dont want to admit to the extent that i was. like i can honestly tell you it had less to do with jealousy than more of common decency. and i didnt end anything, i just accepted it was already over. and plus, i dont believe people are interchangeable, but thats how you made me feel. ya know?

ugh. okay so alexander thompson. he's amazing. and im so unbelievably stunnned. and im so scared. and im trying to so hard to be vulnerable and openminded and not afraid of anything. but the truth is im sooooo so scared. of being hurt again, of being disappointed, of it all being one big joke. hah. but lifes a ride right? and if this whole thing doesnt work out again i want to walk away knowing i tried hard and gave it my all, no regrets, because that was my main concern last time. i know i could have done more. and i know i didnt do things right. so i want to give it my all and have no regrets about all of this. and iknow a lot of people may not support that im talking to my "ex" but its not like that and honestly, i couldnt care less what you think. because if you care about me and know me you know im going to do what i want, and what makes me happy despite anything you can say. so the best you can say is that youll be there for me no matter what and support whatever decisions i make. because i would do the same for you. (well, except for latter mentioned case.. haha- but for the most part) i reallly would. and really, its like, i know you guys worry about me, and you dont want to see my dragged down like i was, but i really have a much better feeling about this than last time. and we've both changed. and my foots asleep, lol, and i love how no one reads this but i think thats amazing because i get to type out my feelings and its kind of like catharsis except with blogs on myspace i know that people read them and that can kind of be dangerous. lol

my tummy hurts :/

anyway, i love you, i love my friends, i love everyone right now. im so happy, its disgusting. i cant stop smiling ever. haha.

oh please

sometimes i wonder how much we feel that the other side is ignorant of their actions.
for example, when someone says something to you and you think, well they probably didnt know it could be taken: this way. what if they really do and you just aren't giving them credit?


bah. i feel bad. im pushing like two people away right now. im just not the sort of person that is uber bothered by it. im sorry for hurting you. i know i am. i dont know how to stop it, its a defense mechanism, its who i am. and i just want it to be recorded, that i really am sorry for hurting you.
i am overwhelmed.
and helpless.
and confused.
and basically just over it.

its not fun, its actually a big deal.


and you dont know what im talking about at all do you?
balls.
lol

i am a teeter totterr

seriously, this is ridiculous.
im fine. im happy, im so very very very very goddamn happy.
and then i get a LITTLE down.
and then it spirals.
i miss cudddddddddddddling.
i miss caring about someone.
whatever.
hahahahah. its so hilarious, im like fine, and then something like a movie romance..or like.. watching a couple. will just be small enough but poignant enough for me to stop and think..oh..i dont have that. im not all the way complete.
i mean i am complete on my own.
but just like everyone else on the planet, i want someone to canoodle with.
and hey.
thats the only real way the dormant love will be expelled from my being and maybe reform into something else.
its disgusting.


i shop too much. :] haha.

i want

dark knight posters all up on my room when i move back to los angeles.
and crash posters, and girl, interrupted posters.
i wannnnnnnt them.

and i also want. to feel NOTHING. about alexander louis thompson.
& im almost there.

its not fair to miss someone and care about them as a person, when they dont care about you! :[
its the same thing with people. its not just alex.
dont think its because he's my ex.
its because once im close to someone, i hate dealing with remote forms of rejection.
like i'll get over it, and i'll handle it.
but like its the same thing as with iliana when she stopped talking to me as much
it hurts a little. thats the same thing with alex. i miss being his friend. :/


whatever. the world, it continues spinning.

"and at the end of the day, you onlyy really have yourself, and thats honesty."

live a little

so we are having a rally this monday.
im really excited.
i love having rallies. i love standing on the corner with a sign that says something i believe in.
i love it. i love making the people in their cars think. i love standing and seeing my friends enjoy such a great experience. ive even had people tell me its influenced their lives immensely.

its just i really wish there could be more people going, ya know?
its such a great experience i wish people would take the step from inactivity to activity and attend them.
ugh.
frustration.

ijust got called that "once mormon chick thats gone bad" i liked the title.
i think its fitting. hah. but still i missss being religious. i know how bad it can be.
i know it is based on fear. and its sad, because i consider it a weakness.
i consider it something people need because they are weak.
and good christians acknowledge that they are weak and with god, they are made strong.

but im just strong period, is that so wrong?

anyway, when THE FUCK did he become moderate?!?!?! fuck.

chaos.

"madness, as they say, is like gravity. all it takes is a little push." -the joker.


ps. im in love with the joker.
i want to marry him.
and paint on his makeup every morning.
and have his deluded ass clown baby children.

i am invisible

i am.
i love.
i become.
i become love.
i become love when.
i become love when i.
i become love when i dream.
i become love when i dream and
i become love when i dream and my
i become love when i dream and my darkest
i become love when i dream and my darkest and
i become love when i dream and my darkest and most
i become love when i dream and my darkest and most frivolous
i become love when i dream and my darkest and most frivolous desires
i become love when i dream and my darkest and most frivolous desires fuse.
i fuse. i love. i am. i dream. im dark. im frivolous. i desire.
im lost, like a shadow in the sunlight.
like a pebble in a mountain, i scatter, i drop like raindrops.
i run like water down a sidewalk.
spilling paint when i breathe.

a heart on my sleeve

i hate being close to my humanity.

i mean, most people wear their humanity on their sleeve.
but god its like i don't consider myself human and want to keep all the insecurity and vulnerability that comes with being human away from myself. i am a bitch, id rather be cold and sarcastic....removed from the situation. im emotionally detached..
and yet.
when i find myself feeling.
its admittance. its like im moving around so fast thinking all these thoughts that are spinning round just to avoid being still. with stillness comes calm. with calm comes time for the thoughts that hurt.

i just got like...pangs of sadness. the first in about eight years ;]
i miss him. i want to be friends.
but we don't need each other. we really have no reason to be friends.
i hate facebook. because when people tag people in photos it announces it.
so i log on today, and marissa tagged alex in some photos. whatever..i don't even look at it right.
and i change the page.
but then i stop and think.
and god, i really am happy. and i hope to science that he really is happy too.
but geez, i do miss my best friend.
and ya know... the sad part is..i just need to get over it.

you can't be close with everyone jessica.
you can't just expect people to love you as much as you love them.
you cant want everything.
you cant be everyones best friend.
you cant always win.

ahaha.

sam i am

well. i decided there are eighty million things you can be. and those things vary and change according to the second.

and it makes me wonder about what i am. everyone wants to be so unique. i want to be able to say that i am not a can of soup, you can't label me, file me away, classify me, or put me in a neatly bow-tied box. but you know what, maybe we can. and we try so hard to make ourselves so very very different, so verry veryy special. but we really are all the same. maybe we create our differences, we make ourselves the city upon the hill.

sometimes i want to know what i am. who i am. but isn't that what living is all about? isn't living about growing about breathing and finding out who you are, and in fact, who you aren't? but its like i want to know fact-wise what i am and who i am. but part of me doesnt even want to have to define myself. i don't want to limit myself. what a conundrum. paradox, thy name is jessica?

im just going to name words that could be me:
smoker/vegetarian meat lover?/girl/woman/student/high school graduate/goes to therapy/bicurious?/sexually active/unemployed/ambitious/passionate/driven/bitchy/angry driver/angry period./friend/sister/ daughter/ex girlfriend/girlfriend/drinker/beachgoing /driving/therapy seeking/atheist/liberal/political/intellectual/reading/crying/ranting / teasing/ friend/ lover/hater/ dreamer/ realist/ pessimist/ dying.

hah.

really, tragedy, thy name is jessica. :]

and at the end of every day. look in the mirror. you don't know who you are. and if you think you do. look again, there are secrets hidden behind your eyes.

"when i speak to my friends, i don't have a face." - me.

numero uno

im excited to have a blog!!! <3