oh please

sometimes i wonder how much we feel that the other side is ignorant of their actions.
for example, when someone says something to you and you think, well they probably didnt know it could be taken: this way. what if they really do and you just aren't giving them credit?


bah. i feel bad. im pushing like two people away right now. im just not the sort of person that is uber bothered by it. im sorry for hurting you. i know i am. i dont know how to stop it, its a defense mechanism, its who i am. and i just want it to be recorded, that i really am sorry for hurting you.
i am overwhelmed.
and helpless.
and confused.
and basically just over it.

its not fun, its actually a big deal.


and you dont know what im talking about at all do you?
balls.
lol

i am a teeter totterr

seriously, this is ridiculous.
im fine. im happy, im so very very very very goddamn happy.
and then i get a LITTLE down.
and then it spirals.
i miss cudddddddddddddling.
i miss caring about someone.
whatever.
hahahahah. its so hilarious, im like fine, and then something like a movie romance..or like.. watching a couple. will just be small enough but poignant enough for me to stop and think..oh..i dont have that. im not all the way complete.
i mean i am complete on my own.
but just like everyone else on the planet, i want someone to canoodle with.
and hey.
thats the only real way the dormant love will be expelled from my being and maybe reform into something else.
its disgusting.


i shop too much. :] haha.