my lip hurts.

so i did get my lip pierced again. and at this point i cant even figure out why i continue piercing myself... like im running out of reasons. but do i really need one? i just want them, so it doesnt matter. so suck it? idk. it hurts right now. its all swollen and hurts. andi swear its crooked but everyone else doesnt think so but i KNOW it is. lol its okay, he said hed repierce it for free. haha. and it is swollen right now so we'll seeeeee. or maybe i just have crooked lips.

im in constitutional law class. yay for being studious. then work from 2-5. then class from seven to nine fifty. :] i should be studying for my health and human disease midterm though cause its tomorrow morning at nine thirty!

i need to vent about losing friends.
really. the way i look at it is if you want to forget me, then your not worth my time. even if your my cousin. even if you are my best friend, or were. i think knowing me..you would have to know th eonly time i would make a big enough deal to end a friendship is if i was hurt. so i was hurt, i can admit that. but i dont want to admit to the extent that i was. like i can honestly tell you it had less to do with jealousy than more of common decency. and i didnt end anything, i just accepted it was already over. and plus, i dont believe people are interchangeable, but thats how you made me feel. ya know?

ugh. okay so alexander thompson. he's amazing. and im so unbelievably stunnned. and im so scared. and im trying to so hard to be vulnerable and openminded and not afraid of anything. but the truth is im sooooo so scared. of being hurt again, of being disappointed, of it all being one big joke. hah. but lifes a ride right? and if this whole thing doesnt work out again i want to walk away knowing i tried hard and gave it my all, no regrets, because that was my main concern last time. i know i could have done more. and i know i didnt do things right. so i want to give it my all and have no regrets about all of this. and iknow a lot of people may not support that im talking to my "ex" but its not like that and honestly, i couldnt care less what you think. because if you care about me and know me you know im going to do what i want, and what makes me happy despite anything you can say. so the best you can say is that youll be there for me no matter what and support whatever decisions i make. because i would do the same for you. (well, except for latter mentioned case.. haha- but for the most part) i reallly would. and really, its like, i know you guys worry about me, and you dont want to see my dragged down like i was, but i really have a much better feeling about this than last time. and we've both changed. and my foots asleep, lol, and i love how no one reads this but i think thats amazing because i get to type out my feelings and its kind of like catharsis except with blogs on myspace i know that people read them and that can kind of be dangerous. lol

my tummy hurts :/

anyway, i love you, i love my friends, i love everyone right now. im so happy, its disgusting. i cant stop smiling ever. haha.