avoiding my paper

im supposed to be writing a paper right now about art criticism. either that or my other paper on same sex marriage... but instead im watching twilight thinking about my life. and how my niece just turned eighteen. and my nephew is turning eighteen in october.. and my other niece is turning sixteen in june. and my nephew is turning 13.... they're all getting so big! i know im still young and i'm barely turning 21.. but i feel so old. its hard for me to remember what i was like when i was 13, 16, 18 etc and reconcile it with who they are! because in my head i still kind of regard them like kids, and you know how you are at those ages, you dont want to be kids anymore! lol i've been an auntie since i was 3 years old... i know that's weird but i love it. and i love my family!

one thing i really dislike about life is the instability of it all... i understand that being an adolescent and young adult is one of the most difficult phases to go through because its an inbetween, but i'm sick of it! it's like this big elephant looming in the room telling me im financially unstable all the time, and im barely making ends meet all the time, and every month i go down to zero just trying to get by. Ugh. i'm so happy with who i am becoming, where i am, and my friends and family in life but sometimes i wonder when i will reach a level of certainty. a sense of knowing that i'm not working my butt off to make minimum wage and live day to day.. i mean don't get me wrong.. i have so many friends who are married..some that have children..and that's awesome because that must be what they wanted. i'm NOT saying that's what i want. i definitely don't want a family or a marriage right now. i'm just saying i want stability...haha. i know it's normal, and i know i'll get through it. and honestly i know that no matter what goes wrong... ill get through it and one day it will just be a moment in the past and it won't really matter. im keeping that at the forefront of my thoughts. :)

on another note. i'll be 21 in two months and seven days. i'm excited, we're going to vegas!!!!!!YAY.